I'm not obsessing. I'm obsessive. You don't have any superiority in anything else, trust me. It is all quite normal, this is how my mind operates: by disintegrating its object and falling into it. I understand through absorption. Through penetration. I let it integrate with my body until it has become just as necessary as everything else is to me; it creates its own vital organ, a new passage way of blood. New veins crystalize and carry secrets inside them in a basket on an ocean, a probability of reaching nowhere, but yet: doesn't it eventually have to be somewhere? It becomes inseparable from myself. We lose our distinction. I need to take things in like this, as my siblings, as my own, interpret it through my own language. I can understand what is familiar in this way. I internalize, I swallow, to understand.

You never understand things as they are on their own, then. It is always through your own filter.

Yes...but it is like that for everyone, at least I am honest about it. We cannot abandon our own subjectivity in hopes of something objective; it is impossible to understand it as it is because I can never see it through its own situation, only my own.

It is because you are a woman. You understand through acceptance. You take men into your body. Do you not know the desire to penetrate?

No...I suppose not.

It is to infiltrate another, to BE swallowed, to get lost inside them. To intrude past the point of feeling like a foreigner, to be sucked in. There is this buoyancy of being both inside and outside myself, contained by both myself and another; I exist in two places at once.

I've transformed this so many times I don't remember how it once began, what it was before I started simulating it over and over again in my mind, adding and subtracting to it until I was satisfied, mixing it with memories of other things, with fantasies, with dreams. How many different ways can you interpret something? And why are they all false?

Their falseness reveals that they are incomplete. All lies contain at least some portion of truth, that's what makes them believable and also dangerous. But at a basic level, they seem to all cancel each other out, and in the absence of an objective judge, they're all equal. This is how you prove relativism.