This is estasy. This is saturation. My fluid and matter so intermingled with this other body that there is no longer distinction of boundary. This is sex, the eternal fucking, this is my moment of abandon, my infinitude, the last particles of my self reaching out like a naked woman stretching in the sun after a bath to the end of the universe.
I'll love you for whatever you're able to admit, because I know that secretly, I am the same. I know that I cannot be hypocrtical, I know how profound my own flaws are, and I recognize You in Myself. My compassion is compulsive, I can't helped but be moved by it, by the nudity and the horror and the beauty of all the reflections of truth.
I'd like to take Leibniz's philosophy and imagine it backwards, as absolute time and relative space. In absolute time, there is the unity of the infinitely small and the infinitely large, so there is only one continuous moment, and it is eternity. Contradiction becomes clear here, I am all things and no things at once. I am alive, I am dead, I am speaking, I am silent, a criminal, a saint, and all these things are at once mutually exclusive and equally true. I am the constant uncertainty of Schrodinger's cat.
Every moment changes everything, past, present, future (heaven, man, earth). Constant transformation, constant creation. This world never stops blooming. Time never stops becoming. It is between existence and non-existence, the bardo. God changes, at rest, at every segmented instant. God participates in this change, this flux, at rest. God is caused by what he causes.
The rain falls and I try to imagine being born at each instant because it is the only thing I have access to, like those terrifying angels, in a process of discovering and forgetting. Because in absence, everything is possible.
I am this absence.