I am very scared. Scared because I love you, and I feel like I should, and I feel like I shouldn't, all at the same time. Scared because of my past, of the things I thought I wanted before, and how they weren't real. Scared because I barely know you, and even as I am beginning to, it is not at all what I imagined, but better.

I have chosen silence like a good, obedient, religious woman. Cut off my tongue in sacrfice for you. I told you I couldn't write anymore. It is because of you.

I am scared because this feels painful and magnificent at the same time, because this is different than all the times before (but does that mean, then, that it is the same?).

And I am scared for the mere fact that I am scared. Fear is the ultimate dishonesty.